meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
