So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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