Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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