dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
