Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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