u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i have two assholes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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