You can't motorboat a personality
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
