Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
