I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
