I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
