Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
