so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
