Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
