my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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