He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
