Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
