We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
