I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
