Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
