can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
