I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
