You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no you cant smoke seaweed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
