I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize