Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
