I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
