If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize