Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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