I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
