Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
