at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
