How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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