There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
