So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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