i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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