im holly from the hills drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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