we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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