you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
