He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
