she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
