Fuck appropriateness.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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