Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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