Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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