Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
