My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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