After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
