I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
