He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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