I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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