I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
