She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
