But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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