I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
