apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
