i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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