what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
