Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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