Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
