Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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