So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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