She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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