There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
