your room smells of hookers.
And success
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
