Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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