I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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