i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
where are you?
Hypothermia
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
