Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
