Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
