I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize