i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
