overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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