if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
