if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
