i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
