Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
