I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
jump out the window naked night went bad
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