I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
